Gutter-Mouthed!

I’ve been twisting and turning,
In a space that’s too small.
I’ve been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You’ve been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.

Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough, Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, oh just leave me now.
It’s the better thing to do,
It’s time to surrender,
It’s been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don’t fit anymore, Pieces don’t fit here anymore.

You pulled me under,
If I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
That’s breaking my skin.
Well I’ll hide all the bruises,
I’ll hide all the damage that’s done.
But I show how I’m feeling until all the feeling has gone.

Ooh don’t missunderstand,
How I feel.
Cause I’ve tried, yes I’ve tried.
But still I don’t know why, no I don’t know why.
III dont know why…… whyyyyyyyy!

In my childhood, 5 or 6 years old
Every sundays
Where local night market used to be
Mum holding my tiny hand crossed the road
At the entrace
I saw Uncle Balloon, in his 50s or 60s
Good day , said i
He smiled
Handed me a string of Balloon
"Catch the string well, or else it will fly off"
I heard.

Happily me said, " I will, thanks uncle "
He smiled
Rubbed my pony tail.
And i waved Good Bye.

Few years later,
Where times rolled on like a train,
One day, 3am
BANG!!
There goes his son (* Lancelot ) crashed his bike with the Kancil,
Unconscious,
Kancil droved off.
*Lancelot lied on the road helplessly
Minutes later,
Good mankind-cum-Passerby stopped
Called 911
Sirens heard,
*Lancelot unconsciously lied on the stretcher in the ambulance
Beeeeeeeepppppppppp……
*Lancelot’s gone..
As simple as that,
As fast as nobody knows.
Few days later.
It was Sunday
I went to the night market,
Uncle Balloon frowned,
Talked to me,
" Sayang.. He just go like that…"
" With no claims, no insurance…i just able to held a simple funeral for him"
I felt sour..
* Lancelot used to be my friends too
His depart , eventually is my sorrow.
I cried when he left
Or maybe when i heard the news?

Today,
Sunday.
I passed by Uncle Balloon’s stall,
He looked good today
I think *Lancelot too, happy
But, sour i felt.
Balloons doesnt bring much profit
But Uncle Balloon has been selling Balloons for years
Since im 4 or 5 years old, till then.
His determination?
Just to make childrens happy.

*Lancelot,
We all miss u
And you will always remain in our hearts.

May God be with you always.

*** The name Lancelot has been changed to secure the privacy of the real person